I always, always miss you. I wish I could be with you at least those times when you want me to stay.
Not being able to spend time with you saddens me. Makes me feel strange, as though I'm letting a good opportunity slip out of my hands. I know that sounds very economised but heck, it is that!
As though it'll end and then I'll want those times back so that I can spend them with you.
I know it doesn't really matter but I cannot shake it off. I want to be with you not because I feel it'll end soon but because I feel, "what if it ends? Might as well enjoy it as much as I can now."
But even that saddens me. Is this love. Is this attachment.
"It's alright. I happens to me too. Hug."

I remember the first time I saw you. It was quick and fast. I didn't feel anything. I didn't even notice much. You came in. You sat two seats away from me. Maybe three. You rushed out.
Skip 5 days. Or less. Or more. I don't know.
I remember the second time. Somebody had told me, told us you were 'very cute'. I have this habit of falling for 'very cute' people. I did fall for you. But I did not realise it immediately.
Then the third time, the fourth. I don't know. One of them. Of of the others. That day when the four of us went to drink.
It was a strange day. I got high on half a glass of beer. It was sort of embarrassing. But it was fun.
Hooking up was proposed by a friend. I thought, "why not".
So I 'friended' you on a certain social networking site.
Wait. What date was it?
22nd March. Go figure how I know that.

Happiness.

Happiness obtained out of small events is the best happiness one can incur. You don't need expensive things, you don't need money, you don't need substances. Sit down with a person or two and talk and talk and talk and gain only happiness out of it. Experience everything. Don't hate anything. Love everything and everyone. Because in the end, nothing will matter. You are such a miniscule part of this infinite cosmos. And you are not going to last. Everything and everyone leaves some day. And everything is eventually forgotten.
Why then should we run after hollow concepts of success in terms of money and work and fame and popularity when we can gain happiness through simpler and less complicated ways? Like helping somebody cross the road, or feeding hungry strays? Is it not easier and better to do all this than consuming your health and happiness in finite pursuits?
Don't be selfish, but don't be self-exhausting either. Love everybody else, but love yourself too.
Everybody has different concepts of happiness and different ways to achieve it. I am not one to judge anybody's ways. Anybody can do whatever they want as long as they are happy and they are not harming anybody, including themselves.

- J.

I see so many angry people everyday, all the time. Anger is human, it exists, but what I don't understand is how futile all of it is. People get angry about utterly trivial things. I want to hold their hand, or better, hug them (though that would be a problem with some people) and tell them that everything will be okay. That anger won't help.
But then, even I get angry at times, a lot of times. What do I do?

Anger- exit.
Enter- love.

Some people.. are just.. such prodigies. They amaze me to no end.
But they also leave me with this desperate need to be something, to do something worthwhile- this feeling of envy.
But I suppose that's good, is it not? But should envy or jealousy be the base of motivation and hard work? Does that not lead to competitiveness?
Is competitiveness healthy? Does it have to exist?

Death.

SADDER THAN DEATH ARE THE SORROW AND GRIEF WHICH SURROUND IT.

THE ANGER

THE MISERY

THE SADNESS

THE HOPELESSNESS

THE LAST TIME

THE LAST LOOK

THE PAIN

BUT THEN,

THE JOY

FOR THE DEAD

THEIR PEACE

THEIR FULFILLMENT

THEIR CONTENTMENT

THEIR PAIN CEASES TO EXIST.

The dead may leave others in pain, but others celebrate the fact that the dead have been ridden of their pain and suffering. And yet, they fear death.
Life goes on. Not the same as before, but it goes on. Sometimes, while one is doing something one suddenly goes silent and remembers the dead- a fond memory or an angry memory or a sad memory or an embarrassing memory. At that point, time stops, remains still, but in the next, it resumes and one has to move on. One can't stop, because one has one's own life to live. Or just survive. Some just survive, they stop living. Or maybe they never lived.
The possibilities are endless, but the ultimate truth is that everything does end someday. It is inevitable and yet people cannot accept it. They tend to hang on to the tiniest threads that manage to exist after death. That is the power of attachment.
But this attachment breaks one, weakens one. It makes one cry out for the dead, makes one miss them and pine after them. But they won't ever come back. The dead never return. They only remain in spirit, but their soul has embarked, their body decomposed or burnt or eaten or cut up and thrown away.
Do memories make the situation better or worse? Is it better to have cried or to not have cried? Is it better to accept the universal truth or live in constant denial?

There is always something more to life than all this. More to it than just lying on the bed, walking back from the station, boarding the metro, sitting at the coffee house, leaving college, studying, giving a test, going to college, boarding the metro, leaving home, getting ready, studying for a test, waking up.

There is always more to life than everything that already is. I want more. But I don't know how to acquire more.

- Jananni.

Look, hippos and elephants.

At Dilli Haat, INA, New Delhi.

Perfection.

I have this, this perfect, PERFECT element in my life. I can break you or make you. I can let us fall or let us grow. I can worry myself to no end or I can just let it flow. I should just let it be, shouldn't I? Yes. Yes, I should.
You surprise me when I least expect you to. When I am not in contact with you, is when I love you the most. You want me to change. You want me to be better. Do I want to be better? Yes. Yes, I want to be better for you.
Maybe all relationships are not meant to be. But I know this is. I know this is! I want to make it work. But it's hard, okay? You may not agree. But it is.
I'm sorry, perfection. I'm sorry. Apologies.

Really? I always thought it was made of pineapples.

Record.

A film is a series of moving images. A film is a painting, a moving painting, sometimes beautiful to view, while sometimes it's the most boring, useless, nonsensical commodity. One to not give out a message, an important message, but one to just rake in the money.

I'm studying for my exam tomorrow. Unlike other subjects, it's pretty flexible. We can pretty much play around with it (not really, no). It's like reading literature, just that we watch films. I did not like 'The Searchers'. Na. Adventure, western, sci-fi (didn't like 'Blade Runner' either). I am not addicted to films, I don't think I ever will be. But there are some that impress me to no end.
 'The Piano' is amazing. Watch it.
Persepolis.
The Mona Lisa Smile.
Offside.
THELMA AND LOUISE. OH MY GOD. THELMA AND LOUISE.

I studied today. Yeah. I did. Somebody should be proud. I should be proud.
Then I read. I mostly read. I managed to distract myself today. Yes, I did. I hope I'm able to do that everyday. I hope I do not lose my marbles over that completely irreplaceable, useful, needed, wanted element in my life.
Never-letting-go. Call me crazy, but I am never letting go.

You change so much that you can't go back to your old self.

A lot many I-Miss-You's. Sigh, life is going all awry at the moment. It's so weird, to put it simply. I don't have my camera either. Books, Him, Friends and the Internet seem to be my only solace.

Oh gosh, I hope I get out on New Year's. Nothing will matter more than a great end to a #&$^#*&@&*$ year. What-A-Year 2011 was!

Love

Jane.

Need a plaid shirt. Yes. To go with my summer dress. In fact, I think, any shirt which goes with it will do.

Bhel Puri, and ugly nails.


<3<3<3

The College.

And, yes. I am giving a name to it now. : )

<3<3<3

Love and heels.

When you don't edit, and yet it's worth the good credit? LAME.

 

  I couldn't choose the best one! 

 I think all of them are good!

 UNEDITED. So Proud. :P

  I'm sorry for being so pathetically proud of my work despite being a complete novice!!! I couldn't help it. I love myself. :P

  (The font is kind of f***ed here. Sorry for that. I still need to get used to layouts and all. :))

Mommy. <3

Now, check this out 

There is just this sheer satisfaction that one gets out of photographs which come out good in just one try, and do not need to be edited at all. I will love, cherish and be proud of this forever. Even after "the better photographs to come".
Oh-oh! Mind you! This was taken from a digital camera! Which isn't easy! :P
I know this isn't very, absolutely amazing or anything close. But if it brings a genuine smile to my face, I love it. <3

I LOVE THIS. Yummy choco-lava cakes! Dominoes<3<3<3.

I want a pizza now. (Photo courtesy: Tumblr)

P.S. I did something today. I think I'll do it more. I don't know.

<3<3<3

Oh, procrastination. My soul mate.

I HATE MYSELF.

Not literally, but sometimes I can't help it.
Sample these: I was supposed to have an active blog. All I have are 51 posts, and 4 followers. JOY.
Obviously, I won't have followers if  I update my blog only once in, what? SIX months? Or, more.

I am supposed to be studying my ass off. But, I'm not.

There is more stuff. I am just too bloody lazy to remember. I AM SUCH A HIGH CLASS PROCRASTINATOR.

Anyway, enough of the ranting and uppercase-d words. There has been enough bad stuff going around. Ranting won't make it better.

I won't make any promises about being active with the blog. But, I will study. I Promise.


I was in Pondicherry for a week. Personal and sad reason. Didn't take my camera because of that reason. Though, I did take some photos with my phone's camera. Which literally, sucks. But, I'll still put them up. But, I'll procrastinate first. I'll put them up. Later.

Till then, make do with more crappy photographs. :P

I mixed-moshed this a lot and, this is the result. I like it.

Birthdays.

Dilli Haat.

































Adios. I am off to get my eyebrows threaded, and then hopefully study. I'm a hypocrite.

Random word of the day: Notebooks.

<3

The Hangover and my Camera.

My mother took my camera away with her to Pondicherry!!!
It had photos in it (Duh :P)!!! Agh.

I watched the Hangover II, yesterday. And, after watching it, I am ashamed of being 18 and adult. The movie was hilarious. But some parts just shocked me and I would have preferred to be a kid again, who didn't understand anything. :P

Well, I wish to be a kid again, all the time.

 x D :P

 Birthday treats. ^.^

It is so nice to be out with friends. Always fun. ^.^


P.S. I WANT THIS.

<3

New Name.

SPIRITUS ARCUS.


Latin for "The Rainbow Spirit".
I had this name in mind, but I didn't want it to be just in English. 
So, yeah. Three cheers for Google Translate, "Hip-dip-hurray!". :P


Hopefully, this will be my last name change. Hopefully. :P

Color blocking. :P

There is so much confusion around and inside of me. I am a very confused personality. Who gets irritated by it the most? Obviously, I.


Oh, well. Life is that. I'll just have ice cream. :D


I have been trying my hand at editing. Pretty amazing(at least, according to me). Random photo editing. 
I want a really nice camera, but till then I am happy with editing. One learns something or the other, right? :)

I was going to write something. I forgot. :P


<3

LOOK! A, uuum, what's that word?!

What is that synonym for the word, realization?! Looking up the thesaurus..
Epiphany? Too heavy, but what the heck. :P

Well, I realized in the past two days that I am not at all exclusive about fashion. I mean heck. Look down. That is MY idea of "dressing up".

I'm not being negative(I hate being that). I like to dress up, when I like to dress up. On other day, well, I am just happy in a tee and jeans. Honestly, dressing up as well as my fellow bloggers is too tedious and too difficult for me.
Plus, I love so many other things. SO much. And, I want to write about those. And among those, fashion and style occupy a small place.

My blog is what?
My diary to the world. Except obviously, some very private, dark, not-to-be-told-to-everyones. :P
My perceptions.
My opinions.
My ideas.
My love. My detest.
Almost everything that I am, was, will be, want to be, need to be, have to be.

So, on that note, my blog needs a new name. Obviously, I want something unique, but of course, I can't think of anything. :P

I wish I was more creative.
Sigh. ^.^

Well, I will be thinking then. Hoping to come up with something!

<3<3<3

Don't kill me. :P

Neha Gupta Khorwal of mydreamshavewings.blogspot.com and who owns the brand 'Holii' is hosting a daily giveaway, where she is giving away coin purses to 2 lucky winners everyday.

Check it out. : )

<3