Some people.. are just.. such prodigies. They amaze me to no end.
But they also leave me with this desperate need to be something, to do something worthwhile- this feeling of envy.
But I suppose that's good, is it not? But should envy or jealousy be the base of motivation and hard work? Does that not lead to competitiveness?
Is competitiveness healthy? Does it have to exist?

Death.

SADDER THAN DEATH ARE THE SORROW AND GRIEF WHICH SURROUND IT.

THE ANGER

THE MISERY

THE SADNESS

THE HOPELESSNESS

THE LAST TIME

THE LAST LOOK

THE PAIN

BUT THEN,

THE JOY

FOR THE DEAD

THEIR PEACE

THEIR FULFILLMENT

THEIR CONTENTMENT

THEIR PAIN CEASES TO EXIST.

The dead may leave others in pain, but others celebrate the fact that the dead have been ridden of their pain and suffering. And yet, they fear death.
Life goes on. Not the same as before, but it goes on. Sometimes, while one is doing something one suddenly goes silent and remembers the dead- a fond memory or an angry memory or a sad memory or an embarrassing memory. At that point, time stops, remains still, but in the next, it resumes and one has to move on. One can't stop, because one has one's own life to live. Or just survive. Some just survive, they stop living. Or maybe they never lived.
The possibilities are endless, but the ultimate truth is that everything does end someday. It is inevitable and yet people cannot accept it. They tend to hang on to the tiniest threads that manage to exist after death. That is the power of attachment.
But this attachment breaks one, weakens one. It makes one cry out for the dead, makes one miss them and pine after them. But they won't ever come back. The dead never return. They only remain in spirit, but their soul has embarked, their body decomposed or burnt or eaten or cut up and thrown away.
Do memories make the situation better or worse? Is it better to have cried or to not have cried? Is it better to accept the universal truth or live in constant denial?

There is always something more to life than all this. More to it than just lying on the bed, walking back from the station, boarding the metro, sitting at the coffee house, leaving college, studying, giving a test, going to college, boarding the metro, leaving home, getting ready, studying for a test, waking up.

There is always more to life than everything that already is. I want more. But I don't know how to acquire more.

- Jananni.

Look, hippos and elephants.

At Dilli Haat, INA, New Delhi.

Perfection.

I have this, this perfect, PERFECT element in my life. I can break you or make you. I can let us fall or let us grow. I can worry myself to no end or I can just let it flow. I should just let it be, shouldn't I? Yes. Yes, I should.
You surprise me when I least expect you to. When I am not in contact with you, is when I love you the most. You want me to change. You want me to be better. Do I want to be better? Yes. Yes, I want to be better for you.
Maybe all relationships are not meant to be. But I know this is. I know this is! I want to make it work. But it's hard, okay? You may not agree. But it is.
I'm sorry, perfection. I'm sorry. Apologies.

Really? I always thought it was made of pineapples.

Record.

A film is a series of moving images. A film is a painting, a moving painting, sometimes beautiful to view, while sometimes it's the most boring, useless, nonsensical commodity. One to not give out a message, an important message, but one to just rake in the money.

I'm studying for my exam tomorrow. Unlike other subjects, it's pretty flexible. We can pretty much play around with it (not really, no). It's like reading literature, just that we watch films. I did not like 'The Searchers'. Na. Adventure, western, sci-fi (didn't like 'Blade Runner' either). I am not addicted to films, I don't think I ever will be. But there are some that impress me to no end.
 'The Piano' is amazing. Watch it.
Persepolis.
The Mona Lisa Smile.
Offside.
THELMA AND LOUISE. OH MY GOD. THELMA AND LOUISE.

I studied today. Yeah. I did. Somebody should be proud. I should be proud.
Then I read. I mostly read. I managed to distract myself today. Yes, I did. I hope I'm able to do that everyday. I hope I do not lose my marbles over that completely irreplaceable, useful, needed, wanted element in my life.
Never-letting-go. Call me crazy, but I am never letting go.

You change so much that you can't go back to your old self.

A lot many I-Miss-You's. Sigh, life is going all awry at the moment. It's so weird, to put it simply. I don't have my camera either. Books, Him, Friends and the Internet seem to be my only solace.

Oh gosh, I hope I get out on New Year's. Nothing will matter more than a great end to a #&$^#*&@&*$ year. What-A-Year 2011 was!

Love

Jane.